Every organisation has them.
You know who they are.
The moment someone shines, speaks up, or dares to be different — they’re there. Ready to roll their eyes, undermine, question motives, or whisper a passive-aggressive comment under their breath.
These are the candle blower outers — people who can’t stand the light of others, so they try to snuff it out. A metaphor popularised by Brené Brown.
They’re not always loud. In fact, they’re often subtle, calculated, and cloaked in sarcasm or “just being honest” remarks. But their impact is anything but small. Candle blower outers create environments where confidence shrinks, innovation dies, and high-performers either burn out or leave.
Their behaviour is rarely challenged. Why? Because they’re often well-networked, politically aware, or have been around long enough to be considered “part of the furniture.” But tenure doesn’t equal trust, and familiarity doesn’t excuse toxicity.
And here’s the real cost:
What’s worse? Most leaders don’t address it — because it’s not a KPI, it’s not a headline, and it’s rarely escalated.
But every candle blown out in your organisation dims the energy, drive, and ambition of those trying to make a difference.
So what should you do?
1. Call it when you see it. Privately. Publicly. Consistently. Culture is shaped by what you tolerate — and brilliance deserves protection.
2. Make it safe to shine. Celebrate effort, encourage boldness, and spotlight those who lift others up — not those who keep them in check.
3. Audit your influencers. Are your cultural cornerstones people who light others up? Or just skilled at staying visible while dimming others quietly?
Your best people don’t leave because of workload — they leave because of candle blower outers who never get held accountable by the leader.
So the question is:
Are you protecting the spark?
Or are you letting it be blown out?
Here is the link to a brief video from Brené
