“I am giving you these comments because I have very high expectations, and I’m confident you can reach them.”
Nineteen words that change everything.
It’s not a reprimand. It’s not an attack. It’s not an ego-driven display of authority.
It’s leadership.
Yet too many managers still operate under the delusion that crushing someone is the same as coaching them. That critique delivered without context is “holding people accountable.” That fear is somehow a motivator.
Here’s the truth: fear doesn’t build performance — belief does.
A global study by Gallup found that only 26% of employees strongly agree that the feedback they receive helps them do better work. Why? Because most feedback sounds like judgment, not coaching. It bruises rather than builds.
Now here’s the kicker: that same study found that when feedback is framed around high expectations and confidence in the person’s potential, engagement and performance skyrocket by over 40%.
So why are we still leading like it’s 1995?
Stop Demolishing. Start Developing.
Feedback should be an act of respect, not a display of power. When leaders say, “I have high expectations because I believe in you,” they’re not soft — they’re smart. They build a relationship, a runway, and a reason to grow.
Without that foundation, feedback feels like failure. With it, feedback becomes fuel.
The Top 3 Solutions to Build, Not Break:
1. Establish the Intent Early
Start with belief. Say: “I’m sharing this because I know you’re capable of more, and I want to help you get there.” This opens the door for dialogue, not defensiveness.
2. Coach, Don’t Criticise
Critique without support is cruelty. Replace “You’re not meeting the standard” with “Here’s what I see, and here’s how I can support you in raising the bar.”
3. Keep Expectations High — and Personal
People rise to the expectations of those who believe in them. Frame your expectations as a vote of confidence, not a threat.
If you want your people to perform at their best, don’t use feedback to remind them they’re not enough.
Use it to remind them you know they can be more.
Let’s end with another 19 word phrase equally as important –
“Real leadership is believing in others, raising expectations, and coaching them to rise — growth starts with how we lead.”
Here is the link to a brief video post spoken with confidence by Adam Grant.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DItn9PfOiBq/?igsh=MW93dXZjZHduOWRsMA%3D%3D
